


Killed by death

by Iconoclast



Series: Cute boys gone wild [7]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Declarations Of Love, Drug Use, Established Relationship, Feelings, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:01:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iconoclast/pseuds/Iconoclast
Summary: Matt and Mello's last daysFor the death anniversary of the Ms





	1. Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello gets a call from Halle. One he wished he'd never got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A part of this is in my main fic, Blood Stained Sinners. I added more thought, feelings, and the smut part.
> 
> \---
> 
> inspired by Placebo - A song to say goodbye  
> https://youtu.be/qJUz1yit8Us

**24 January 2010**

Matt and Mello were in the run-down students’ apartment they have rented for their stay in Tokyo. It was a cheap and ugly place, but two young men would go unnoticed in a place like this. Mello sighed and snapped off a piece of chocolate, low heavy metal music was playing in the background while he was looking through the various files he had on his laptop. Misa Amane was in Near's custody now, and Light was never at home. The spy bugs were quite useless now.

What were they supposed to do now? Mello tried to figure out a plan, a way to expose that damn Yagami. He had to do it first, he had to win. He was running out of time.

Mello was tired and mentally exhausted. He had lost weight, he barely slept, he was doing cocaine way too often lately to stay awake and to remain focused. Sometimes Matt took it away from him and tried to make him relax for a few hours.

 _‘Matt…’_ Mello looked up, he observed the redhead in front of him. Matt was tired too. His irises were dull lately, he had huge dark circles under his eyes. Something was crushing Mello’s heart as he observed him, Matt didn't deserve this. Matt did all this for him, only for him. And Matt had done an excellent job, both in working at the Kira case and taking care of Mello's injuries and mental state. Sometimes he felt he was going insane, more and more often.

Mello had never had much patience. He could control himself under circumstances, but now that he was so close and yet so far, he was running out of ideas. He felt he was going to explode soon. And again it was Matt who always calmed him down. A touch, a kiss, a look. It didn't matter, Mello felt Matt's love regardless what he did. Mello was sure God had sent Matt to him as his guardian angel. Without him Mello was so lost.

Matt was sitting in the armchair, he was playing WoW on his laptop computer. Mello had given him the day off, Matt was grateful for it. He was starting to feel exhausted. He hoped it would be over soon. He hoped Mello could finally find peace. Matt sighed.

Mello’s phone was ringing. The blonde came from the other room, nibbling at a chocolate bar. He took the mobile and hesitated to answer.

“Who is it?” Matt wondered but didn’t move his eyes from the screen.

“Lidner.”

“Pick up. Maybe she has something interesting to tell you.” Matt gave him an arch smirk and extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray. “Or maybe she wants to suck your dick.”

“Ugh, hopefully not... needy bitch.” Mello murmured and shivered.

“It can be resolved by having a name written in the notebook?” Mello let himself fall in the armchair in front of Matt.

<That’s right.>

“Well, then... if I don’t do it...” Mello hung up, the mobile slipped from his shaky fingers.

Matt looked up, Mello was sitting there, head down, and was he trembling? “Oi Mel, what’s up?”

“N-nothing.” The blonde reached for the chocolate bar but nausea hit him, and he put the sweet away.

“Mells.” Matt knew exactly when something was wrong. They knew each other so well, they didn’t even need words to communicate. Matt hit the freeze button and put the laptop aside. Mello seemed to not perceive his surroundings. “Miško.” The redhead stood up and knelt in front of the blonde, his hand cupped tenderly his cheek. Matt froze as he met Mello’s eyes, his gaze dull and absent. “What’s wrong, love?”

Mello explained the whole plan to Matt, who tried to keep him calm by stroking gently his long blonde hair. Matt knew exactly how to soothe his boyfriend’s anxious feelings. They completed each other so perfectly.

“I just signed my death sentence.” Mello’s eyes were red and shiny.

“Bullshit.” Matt kissed his forehead. “We will do this together.”

“Matt, no!”

“Mells, you can’t do this alone. I’ll help you.”

“But-“ Matt silenced his protests with a deep kiss.

“I don’t allow you to do this on your own. Remember the explosion?” Mello nodded. “I’ve sworn to take care of you. I’ll never forgive myself that I wasn’t by your side that day.”

“Matt… What if something happens to you?”

“You’re not going to do something dangerous alone. Not anymore.” Matt took Mello’s chin and looked firmly in his ice blue eyes. The redhead was seldom that stubborn but when he was, Mello had to oblige; it was their compromise. The impulsive blonde was usually the dominant one in their relationship but sometimes he had to listen to Matt. The quiet redhead was the reflective one, the one with the cool head; perfectly complementary to Mello’s hothead attitude. Mello liked danger, and he dared to play with fire way too much but sometimes risks were simply too high. “What could happen? We are invincible, together. Nobody is going to take us down.” Matt smirked and interlaced his fingers with Mello’s. The blonde grabbed the collar of his striped shirt and pulled him closer, meeting his lips in a hungry kiss. “What’s up, sweetheart? Need to elaborate?” The blonde bit his lower lip and nodded. He was still nervous, he needed to get distracted. He needed _his_ Matt now.

Matt walked to the other room and came back with a bottle of chilled vodka and two shot glasses. He fumbled in his jeans pocket and pulled out a small sachet containing white powder before sitting down. Matt took a credit card and formed four thin short lines on the cracked table. Mello sat down on the floor next to Matt and wanted to fill the shot glasses but his hands were still shaky. Matt took the bottle and did it for him, pulled him closer and kissed his temple. The blonde took a shot before rolling a bill and snuffing a line through each nostril. Matt was sprinkling some cocaine in a cigarette, sealed the slit and lit it up. He offered the laced smoke to Mello, who sat there with his head thrown back and waiting for the high rushing through his system. Matt emptied the vodka shot, took the bill and snorted the drug as well.

Matt filled both glasses once more, Mello swallowed the content immediately. The redhead sat on the blonde’s lap and reached for the cigarette. He took a deep drag and blew the smoke in Mello’s mouth. He could feel how Mello’s cock twitched underneath him. The blonde exhaled all the smoke, grabbed a fistful of bright red hair and crashed their lips together. Matt returned and rolled his hips sensually on Mello’s lap. The blonde groaned, his teeth bit down hard on Matt’s lower lip, fingernails buried in the skin above his hipbones.

“I want to fuck you. Badly.” Mello reached for the cigarette and pulled from it a couple of times. Matt emptied his second shot, Mello licked the alcohol from his mouth, tongue played with his lower lip. This damn vodka was cheap and tasted gross, but they didn’t care. The blonde tossed Matt on the floor and took off his jeans and boxer shorts. He sucked at two of his fingers and let them slip in Matt’s ass. The redhead groaned loud, he couldn’t really keep that fucking mouth shut. Never. But Mello loved that about him. “Where’s the lube?” Mello took another deep drag while observing his boyfriend sprawled out on the floor, panting heavily and sending him yearning looks.

“Bed.” Matt couldn’t even formulate a whole sentence. Mello took another draw and passed the cigarette to the redhead.

The blonde came back completely undressed, his cock was already coated with lube. “Turn on all fours like the dog you are.” Mello took another shot of vodka, alcohol and drug already clouding his mind. He didn’t mind, though, and neither Matt did. Sex on drugs was something they both found extremely exciting. Mello rammed his hard cock his lover’s ass, Matt moaned loud. Mello started to move in and out, the redhead finished the laced cigarette and extinguished it on the floor.

“Don’t stop...” Matt begged and felt sharp teeth biting down on his shoulder. “Kill me, Miško…”

Mello was holding on Matt’s hipbones, then he forced Matt’s head down. The redhead arched his back further, let Mello’s cock drive deeper in. It was never too hard or too fast for Matt. He never complained. He liked when Mello used him as he pleased. Mello’s love was rabid and ravenous; Matt liked to play with fire too, after all. He looked back and smirked a little as he met Mello’s eyes.

“This is funny to you?” Mello yanked his hair back.

“N-no Meister.” Matt groaned and felt Mello clenching his neck from behind. He rammed his cock deep into him, Matt felt him soon on his prostate. “K-kurva…” Matt cussed as Mello’s cock rubbed his sensitive spot each time he thrust in and out. He slowed down a little but shoved his length deep and deeper into Matt.

Mello let go of Matt’s neck and scratched his whole back until he arrived to his ass, then he slapped his buttock. Matt groaned loud and arched his back further. “You’re such a needy slut, aren’t you.” He purred and stopped moving.

“Yes… yes your slut, Meister.” Mello withdrew his cock and pushed in again, hitting Matt right on his prostate. “F-fuck Miško! I’m almost there!”

“Come.” Mello fucked him in the same slow rhythm, he was close too. He leaned forward and stroke Matt’s throbbing cock, spreading precum over his whole erection. “Come for your Miško.”

“Y-yes.” Matt felt pleasure at both ends, his boyfriend took so good care of him. He growled loud and collapsed on the floor as he released in Mello’s hand. Mello needed just a few more thrusts and followed him. Matt felt so satisfied being filled with Mello’s cum. It was just one of the endless list of kinks he had. Mello pulled out and let Matt turn around. “Come here.”

Mello lay down next to him and rested his head on Matt’s chest, he let his strong arms surround him. Matt kissed his head. “It’s cold.” The blonde complained.

“Just a moment.”

Mello was just laying there and didn’t say anything. A while later he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“What's up Mel?”

“Nothing.”

Matt sat up and reached for the cigarettes. He felt Mello’s cum running from his ass. “Mello.” The blonde was sitting there, biting on his lower lips and not talking. It was always the same. Mello talked all the fucking time, giving Matt's poor ears no rest. But when it was about his feelings and fears, then Mello was quiet. It wasn't easy to deal with Mello's pride. “Something up your mind?”

“It's… what if I die… and you not?” Mello avoided Matt’s ocean blue eyes.

“I'll join you in death.” Matt lit up the cigarette.

“No Matt. You can't kill yourself.”

The redhead shrugged. “Why not?”

Mello slapped Matt hard in the face. The cigarette fell from Matt's mouth. Mello had never hit him if not while they had sex. Never. Matt touched his aching cheek and looked at the blonde. He was panting, his face was red and his icy eyes were watering.

“Miško… why-”

“You can't kill yourself Matt!” Mello yelled at him, he seemed to get an anxious attack. “You can't! People who kill themselves can't go to heaven!” Mello touched his rosary.

“Hey Miško…” Matt pulled him closer. “Shh it's okay.” The redhead embraced him tightly, Mello rested his head on Matt's shoulder. “It'll be okay.”

“Please, promise me, Matt... please.” The redhead closed his hand around Mello’s and the rosary and kissed his fingers.

“Okay, Mello.” Matt rubbed Mello's back to calm him down. “But it's not like you're allowed to die without me. I went through hell for those three years. I won't let it happen again. I was so close to it. So close.”

Mello looked at Matt. “Matt… why haven't you told me about it?” Matt pulled from the cigarette and didn't answer. “Were you depressed?”

Matt’s eyes went to the window. He inhaled deeply, goddamn it, why did he come up with this, now Mello would feel even worse. “Sort of.”

“I'm sorry… why... haven't you told me?” Mello stroked Matt’s messy hair. The redhead looked at him again, Mello’s eyes were gentle.

“It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore since I've found you again.”

“W-why haven't you killed yourself when I left?” Fortunately he did not, or he’d be alone now. Mello never thought Matt was so attached to him. He felt like shit for leaving him back then. Matt didn’t deserve this. Matt deserved someone who cared about him, not a selfish person like Mello.

“Because I knew you were still alive. I've never stopped seeking for you. Never.” Mello felt miserable. He was a damn miserable. His trembling hand cupped Matt's cheek. “I don't want to live without you. You can't die without me.” Matt started crying.

Matt never cried. Matt was never dramatic. Matt was strong, he always took care of Mello. Matt was his adoring, loyal boyfriend. Mello realised how self-centred he always had been. Matt has always been a shoulder Mello could lean on. He had never thought about Matt's weakness, about what Matt had to deal with.

“If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here Matt. You saved me from myself.” Matt cupped the back of Mello's head and kissed him deeply.

“Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you Mello. Anything. I'd give my life for you.”

“I'm not strong enough to live without you…”

“You are stronger than you think, Miško.” Mello sighed, Matt sometimes was so distant from reality.

“I’m cold, Matt.” Mello was shivering. Matt got up and held a hand to the blonde to pull him up.

“Let’s have a hot bath.” Mello nodded and Matt kissed his cheek.


	2. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt tries to distract Mello from overthinking. Time is running out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so young  
> Our lives have just begun  
> But already we're considering  
> Escape from this world
> 
> This world is a cruel place  
> And we're here only to lose  
> So before life tears us apart let  
> Death bless me with you
> 
> HIM - Join me in death  
> https://youtu.be/1V4AscLidWg

**25 January**

_ Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy  _ _ will  _ _ be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. _

_ For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours now and for ever. _

_ Amen. _

Mello crossed himself and extinguished the white candle he used when he prayed. He stayed there for a short while and held the cross pendant attached to his rosary between his hands.  _ ‘If I die tomorrow… I've to repent for my sins.’ _

Mello was about to unscrew the cross of his rosary, but he heard the door opening. Matt had been out buying food, he was in the mood to cook today. Mello wasn't really hungry, but Matt put always all his love into his dishes. He'll probably eat a few tiny bites.

Matt closed the door behind him, he looked at Mello who was sitting on the windowsill. He had been there the whole day, he was there as he left and now he was still there. Matt sighed, it was never a good signal when Mello was too quiet. His ears enjoyed the silence for the first hour, but truth was that Matt was worried when Mello wasn't chatting all the time until his ears bled.

“Hey Miško.” Matt rubbed his boyfriend's back and kissed his head. The blonde gave him a soft smile, his fingers were clenching around the rosary cross. “Scored some blow?” Mello shook his head, he wasn't lying. Matt knew him too well. “Good.” He kissed him again, this time on his scarred cheek. Mello winced a little, he still felt uneasy being touched there. “Gonna cook now.”

“Found everything?” Matt nodded. “Need help?” 

“Nah, it's fine.” Matt walked to the cooking area and undid the grocery bags.

 

The soup was cooking and Matt went back to Mello. He was still there, sitting next to the windowsill. 

“It’s our last night together.” Mello was looking from the large window and Matt embraced him from behind, kissed softly the back of his neck. Tokyo was so different from Los Angeles, and Mello liked it to some extent, even if he missed the ocean view from their house in Malibu. He looked up to the Tokyo Tower, he always wanted to go up there with Matt, their eyes directed towards Los Angeles, just on the other side of the immense ocean. So close and yet so far. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.” Matt turned the blonde to face him and kissed him. Mello cupped both his cheeks and didn’t let him go.

“C'mon Mel, you're not gonna die tomorrow. You’ll find a way to survive. I know you.” Matt’s intense blue eyes looked in his fair ones. Mello loved his eyes, they were as deep as the deepest sea. Matt was sad, of course he was, but a spark of hope was gleaming in his irises. “You survived the explosion, Mells...” Matt’s fingertips traced softly the scar on the blonde’s face. “You will survive this one easily. Your Archangel is watching over you.”

Mello sighed and shook his head. “It’s not... I don’t think it’s possible this time. There is no way out.”

“You’ll find a way and make it. Because you’re a fucking genius and I love you for that.”

Mello smiled briefly but didn’t really believe him. “I hope so.” Matt lifted Mello’s slender figure up and made him sit on the windowsill. Mello’s legs wrapped around Matt’s waist, and they kissed once more; long, craving, full of desire. “Are you sure you're going through this with me?” Mello muttered between their kisses and Matt nodded. “I’m worried. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Matt kissed Mello’s fingers. “What could go wrong? I just have to throw a fucking gas grenade and drive away. Easy, man.”

“I have a very bad feeling in my stomach.” Mello sobbed.

“You always have a bad feeling, Miško.” Matt unzipped Mello’s tight leather vest and kissed his tattooed chest. Mello's soft skin had always a sweet scent, he loved it, he was addicted to it. “Don’t overthink, don’t be anxious. We’re gonna make it.” Matt interlaced his fingers with Mello’s. “Together.” A tear ran from Mello’s left eye and Matt kissed it away. “We have faced so many dangerous situations together, even worse than this one.” Mello nodded but he seemed a bit uncertain. “Don’t underestimate yourself. Believe in yourself, because I believe in you.” Matt kissed the tip of his nose.

Matt was the only stable point in Mello’s life. If it wasn’t for him, he would have gone insane long, long time ago, that’s a dead cert. Mello was aware of his intelligence, but when he was alone, he had always issues to control his emotions, to believe in himself. He was prone to overthinking, got easily anxiety attacks and was very hot-tempered. Matt’s calm and chill attitude always soothed his restless feelings. He made him feel safe, Mello felt free to be weak and to cry in his presence, he didn’t need to act tough. And Matt always gave him the solace he needed, he always took care of Mello. He had mended his wounds and his soul. Matt knew what Mello needed right there, at any moment. Mello couldn’t imagine his life without him.

“Volim te, Mail...” Mello cupped both his cheeks and kissed Matt deeply. The redhead returned passionately.

“I’d die for you, Mel.” Matt was serious now, he almost never was.

“If you dare...” Mello kissed Matt’s lips and nibbled at his lower one. “I’ll come straight to hell and burn everything to get you back.” The blonde leaned his forehead against the redhead’s, brushed their noses together, smelled his skin. “I promised you... such a long time ago.” He barely whispered, his voice too weak to speak. “To raise hell on earth…”

Matt took off his striped shirt and sat on the sill next to Mello. It was large enough to allow an adult person to lie on it. Matt kissed Mello’s tattooed chest while he first unbuckled the belt, and then undid the laces of Mello’s tight leather pants. Matt always wondered how the blonde could wear uncomfortable clothes like these, but he loved them on him. He thought they were so damn sexy, and Mello knew that very well. Matt slid the pants from the blonde’s long legs leaving him naked; as usual Mello didn’t wear any underwear. Matt didn’t mind taking off his own jeans, he just lowered them to his knees. Mello kissed his neck, jaw, shoulders; he bit hard on his skin, leaving marks everywhere. Matt touched each inch of his body, his fingers followed his countless tattoos, caressed his scar, stroked his already hard cock. The blonde threw his head back, his eyes were halfway closed and soft moans escaped his lips. 

Mello took Matt’s hand and sucked index and middle finger coating them with spit, then he guided his hand downwards, eyeing the redhead full of desire, his lips almost trembling. Mello felt Matt’s fingers slowly entering him; he groaned low as they moved and felt like his body set was on fire. Matt was gentle, yet passionate; he just needed a look to excite the blonde because he always knew what Mello needed. Mello felt the redhead’s fingers inside him, closed his eyes, bit on his lower lip to not moan too loud. And how much Matt loved that soft noises, he couldn't even tell. Matt withdrew his fingers and spat in his palm to coat his cock with saliva. The redhead looked at the blonde, as if to ask him for permission; Mello gave a nervous nod. The blonde didn’t usually like the passive role; he wanted to be the active one, the commanding one, but not tonight. He felt broken and all he needed right now was to feel Matt in him, giving him comfort. The redhead entered him, careful but firmly, until he was fully sheathed. Mello hissed of pain, held tightly on Matt's strong arms.

Matt lowered and kissed Mello, slowly, lazily, then he started to move gently. Mello hooked both legs around Matt's waist, and as he looked down into his icy eyes, he understood that Mello wasn't in the pillow princess mood. He hooked one of Mello’s slender legs over his shoulder to penetrate him deeper. Mello groaned loud and pulled the redhead down to kiss him hard, fingers tangled in the fiery mane.

“Fuck me like there’s no tomorrow.” Mello purred in Matt’s mouth, these words were sweet as honey in his ears. Matt began to thrust faster, harder, deeper. Mello’s fingernails buried in the other’s back, tearing skin apart.

“D-dammit Miško!” Matt hissed, that hurt a lot. Their bodies clang together against the cold window. One was spark and the other was gasoline, and together they burnt like blazes.

Mello moaned in Matt's mouth as he started hitting his prostate. The redhead slipped one arm under Mello's waist and raised his hips a little, shoved his cock deeper in his ass. 

“Yes! There!” The blonde begged Matt to not stop, he grinned and obliged.

Sometimes Mello made fun of Matt, calling him a lazy bottom, which was true in most cases, but the times Matt had the chance to top, he fucked Mello like an animal. 

Matt licked Mello's neck and jaw, slipped his other hand under Mello's ass and squeezed his buttock. The blonde was so damn close, he knew it from how he bit down hard on his lower lip. Mello's hand fisted Matt's hair and pulled him down, gave him a messy kiss and released on his stomach. Matt didn't stop thrusting into him until he filled Mello's tiny ass. Matt collapsed onto Mello who embraced him tightly. 

It was good for both of them. Mello couldn’t get enough of his lover, he literally begged him for a second round. Matt was glad to oblige, he loved to please his boyfriend. He fucked Mello from behind, both were on their knees, the blonde slammed up against the steamy window. Mello felt the cold glass pressing against his body, his hard cock painfully trapped between his belly and the hard, freezing surface. He smeared precum all over the glass, his fingernails tried to dig into it. 

Matt grabbed a fistful of blonde hair and yanked his head back, sunk his teeth into Mello’s smooth skin. 

“Kurva!” Mello cursed but Matt chuckled and slapped his thigh. 

“I love it when you’re so slutty for me.” The redhead purred in his ear and rammed his cock straight on his prostate. Mello was still sensitive from the previous orgasm, he wasn’t going to last any longer. 

Beads of sweat ran down Mello’s face, even if the frosty window was pressed against half of his body, he felt smothering. As Matt’s thrusts became harder, his eyes started watering, and soon his cock squirted cum all over the window. Matt smacked them both against it a last time and released into him again.

At that moment all Mello knew was that if he would die, he wanted to die like this.

 

They were lying on the sill, exhausted and embracing each other tightly. They needed sex first, but now they needed each other’s affection. The blonde was resting on top of the redhead, his slender body placed between the other’s legs, his lips kissing the sweet sweat from his chest. Matt cupped his chin and pulled him up to meet in an awkwardly long and tender kiss.

“As soon as we’re done here we fly straight back to LA.” Matt whispered between their kisses. “I want to celebrate my 20 th birthday with style next week.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Coke and champagne in a fucking expensive hotel room. Bathing in a Jacuzzi and you by my side. That’s all I need.” Matt leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

“Champagne and Jacuzzi?” Mello frowned. “You were never a fan of fancy stuff.”

“Yea.” Matt reached for a cigarette and put it in his mouth. Mello snatched it from him. “Well, if we make it out of this alive and well, I need a damn treat.” Matt took another cigarette and lit up first Mello’s, then his own. “We lived like fucking outlaws for the past two years.” Matt took a deep drag and exhaled. He stroked softly Mello’s scarred cheek. “And before that, we were locked up in that damn Lager. If I could, I’d take the kids out of there.”

Mello raised an eyebrow, Matt hadn’t mentioned the three years they had been apart.  _ ‘Why, Matt, why are you so fucking fair…?’ _

“Have you ever thought…” Mello pulled from the cigarette. “What if we had a normal life?” 

Matt laughed grimly. “Normal? You really want a life where you get up every fucking morning to go to the same fucking workplace that you probably hate. Doing average things with average people. We’re not like this.”

“I sometimes wonder if boredom is the price for a peaceful life…” Mello sighed and Matt wondered if he was serious. The reckless mobster was really longing for ordinary life? He would freak out after two weeks. 

Matt closed his eyes again. “We can do whatever you want, Miško. Life would never be boring without you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Mello's last day together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I found you, it's almost too late  
> And this earth seems obliviating  
> We are trembling in our crutches  
> High and dead our skin is glass  
> I'm so empty here without you  
> I crack my xerox hands
> 
> Marilyn Manson - Last day on earth  
> https://youtu.be/TRmu2RQ9-L8

**26 January**

Mello woke up early; Matt didn't hear the alarm, as usual. It didn't matter, for once Mello wasn’t going to complain. He always nagging about anything, seriously how much patience Matt had with him?

He stirred and walked to the cooking area, and heated a cup of coffee in the microwave. He wasn't hungry. Mello was so damn nervous and felt anxious. He couldn't be like this today. He had to be focused and strong. For Matt.

Mello looked in the direction of the bed before he unscrewed the cross pendant. Matt was still laying there like a dead. He snorted a tiny amount of cocaine from the mini spoon and closed the pendant again. Matt wouldn't like that he was doing it now. Matt was too concerned about his well-being. Matt Matt Matt. Mello palmed his forehead. ‘ _What have I done wrong? Why am I like this…? I’m such a disappointment.’_

Mello switched on his laptop computer and looked for Catholic chapels nearby. He had to confess, he had to. Matt sometimes made fun of him, he always said Mello sinned just to confess, and he confessed just to sin. Maybe Matt was right, but Mello vehemently tried to be a good Catholic. And he failed miserably. If his sin was to love Matt, he was glad to be a sinner.

The blonde got dressed, aware to not wake up his boyfriend, and left. It was damn cold in Tokyo, it was so frustrating. Mello wasn't used to it anymore. He loved the heat, he always felt freezing. Matt mocked him and said he wasn't a true Russian.

It didn't look like a church from outside. Mello checked the address; it was the right place. He stepped into the building; the inside didn’t feel much more comfortable to him. It wasn't like a traditional Catholic church, the insides were very spare, only a red carpet was set long the aisle. A huge cross was hanging above the altar. Mello dipped his fingers in holy water and crossed himself.

“I have to confess.” Mello approached the priest. The man led him to the confessional booth. Mello knelt and started confessing his sins in Japanese. His Japanese wasn't as fluent as Matt's, the gamer was the real Japan fan between them two.

 

Matt was having breakfast as Mello came back, it was almost noon. “Where have you been, babey?”

Mello kicked off his boots and threw himself on the couch. “Confessing.”

“Mello…” Matt lit up a cigarette and got up. “You're not gonna die today.”

The blonde rubbed his eyes. “Well, you can't guilt-trip me about my rituals.”

Matt stood in front of him, he cupped Mello's chin and made him look up. “You're right.” Matt's thumb traced Mello's lower lip. “You're not done though.” He pushed his thumb in Mello's mouth, the blonde's tongue licked it. “I still have to suck out your sins.” It was their ritual. Matt blew him after each confession. The redhead was usually way too lazy and preferred if Mello fucked his mouth, but it had something so deliciously blasphemous doing it. Matt couldn't resist. He got on his knees in front of Mello.

The blonde took the cigarette from Matt's hand and leaned against the backrest, closing his eyes and enjoying his treat. Matt undid his belt and unlaced his pants. Mello and his damn ass-tight leather pants. He'd force him to wear spandex or track pants for a whole month.

Matt took out his already hardening cock, gave it a teasing lick. He sucked precum from Mello's tip and looked up to him, Mello was looking down and biting his lower lip. He was a stunning view when he was so needy, absolutely beautiful. _‘But seriously Miško, screw your God if he says this is a sin.’_

“Dammit.” Mello groaned and took a drag. Matt sucked him deeply, the blonde tangled his fingers in the messy hair. He bucked his hips up and thrust his dick into Matt's mouth. Matt felt his tip hitting the back of his throat and sucked deeper, Mello's cock twitched.

Mello was tense, probably too tense to come. Matt's hands closed around Mello's hipbones, his thumbs massaged gently that sensitive part, he felt the blonde relaxing under him.

Mello moaned softly as he released in his mouth, Matt swallowed his cum and sat on Mello's lap. “Good job, beautiful.” He kissed Mello's cheek and snatched the cigarette from Mello's hand. “Feel better now?” The blonde nodded and let Matt embrace him.

 

Mello was riding Matt like crazy on the back seats of his fiery red Camaro, and fiery was the blonde’s way to make love to him. Matt was moaning loud and his fingers squeezed Mello’s toned buttocks, fingernails dug into his soft skin.

 _‘Why are you so desperate?’_ Matt looked into his lover's icy eyes. _‘I feel like I'm using you… forgive me. I can't stay without you.’_ Matt cupped the back of Mello’s head and kissed him fiercely. _‘I can't…’_

“M-Mells!” The redhead groaned and came right into the blonde’s ass; Mello followed him shortly after, as Matt’s hand rubbed roughly his neglected cock. Jesus Christ had the last dinner, and if this was their last fuck, it was damn incredible.

Mello rested his sweaty forehead on Matt’s, he was exhausted, his breath was short. Matt stroked gently his scarred cheek and pulled the blonde in for a kiss.

“Matt…”

“Don’t speak…” Matt’s hands traced softly along Mello’s spine, still kissing his face everywhere.

“Listen…” The blonde sat up straight and locked Matt’s ocean blue eyes in his fair ones. “Marry me.”

Matt remained deadpan for a minute, not sure he heard right. “What... the fuck, Miško?”

“If we survive…” Mello sighed and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. “I want you to marry me once this has all passed.”

The blonde leaned over and rummaged in the pocket of his biker jacket. He took out a small box and opened it. Matt’s eyes widened at the sight of the small silver ring with gold decorations, the Zelda’s Legend one Matt wanted since ages.

“Damn Mel, you’re fucking serious.”

“Of course I am.”

“When did you get the ring?”

“This morning while you lazy fuck were sleeping.” Mello smiled shyly and blushed. Matt smiled back and shook his head.

“God, Mel you’re just…” The redhead moved a strand of Mello’s hair behind his ear. “You’re incredible.”

“Yes or no?”

“Fuck yes, Miško! How could I ever say no?” Mello put the ring on Matt’s finger and kissed his hand. Matt cupped the back of the blonde’s head and pulled him down to kiss him deeply.

It was a very long kiss, maybe the longest they ever shared. As they parted, they didn’t talk anymore. They were quiet as they got dressed and prepared for their task. Silently, they were still sitting on the back seat, Mello’s head rested on Matt’s strong shoulder. Matt’s arm was around his boyfriend’s waist, they were holding hands.

 _‘I don’t want to...’_ Mello kept himself from crying. He was considering screwing everything and to leave Tokyo the same day. _‘But if I don’t do it I’ve lost...’_

Mello’s phone buzzed. He checked it, it was the signal. Matt lit up a cigarette.

“It’s time.” He murmured, feeling a lump in his throat. Mello was staring in front of him, thousands of thoughts rushed through his mind. Shaky hands put a small amount of cocaine on the screen of his mobile and offered it to Matt. The redhead dipped his cigarette in the powder, Mello inhaled it through his nostril and threw his head back, his eyes closed. “Okay.” He said after a minute or two. “Let’s go.” He was about to leave the car but Matt pulled him back.

“We’re gonna make it.” The redhead promised and kissed him again. “And then we get married.” Both boys got off the car, Matt embraced tightly the blonde one last time. “I love you so much.” He kissed his temple and stroked his blonde hair. “Don’t forget that, Miško.”

“You’re my one and only, Mail.” Mello gave him one last kiss before parting from Matt. He had to do it now, or he would change his mind. Mello held on Matt’s hand while turning and stepping away, he felt Matt squeezing his fingers before letting him go.

Mello put on the helmet and sat on the bike, Matt took place on the driver’s seat in the car. Mello lit the engine, his heel pulled up the easel. He glanced at Matt, the redhead winked. Mello smiled at him and drove away. His chest was aching, he felt like he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

 

Matt was speeding through the streets, two police cars were trying to catch him. He lit up a cigarette and inhaled a generous amount of nicotine. He arrived to a square and a road block was cutting off his passage. Matt was hitting the brakes but the car was spinning off on the wet asphalt. As the car finally stopped, he rested his arms and chin on the steering wheel.

“Jebi ga.” Matt cursed, and looked around, he was surrounded by vehicles of Kiyomi’s bodyguards and of the Tokyo police. The two cars which were chasing him stopped behind him.

Matt sighed and closed his eyes. _‘Dear God, or whatever your name is. I don’t even know if you exist and why I’m talking to you now. Mello always told me I should do it, that you would listen. I don’t know if it’s true, but I am trying.’_ The redhead got off the car. He put his hands up and started making fun of the armed men. It was too late anyway. And seriously, since when were Japanese policemen allowed to carry such big guns.

_‘I don’t regret anything. Everything I’ve done was loving Mello and being loyal to him. I’m not praying for me. I just ask you to take care of Mello… If he will make it out alive… If he’s left on his own… Watch over him.’_

“You won’t shoot.” Matt chuckled, as usually don’t giving a fuck about anything. His only regret was leaving Mello.

The bodyguards started to shoot non-stop, Matt felt the bullets sticking into his chest, legs, head. It hurt. It burnt. Matt stepped back, then his legs collapsed and he fell on the ground. He saw red, warm blood was spilling from his wounds, but he was feeling cold... so cold. Matt didn’t hear anything anymore, nothing seemed real. It was like he was looking at himself, at his pathetic existence. Life was ridiculous, and yet he was grateful for the life he had lived with Mello. Matt pulled from the cigarette and whispered softly. “Mihael.” Matt expired his last breath, the cigarette fell from his mouth. _‘Volim te, Mihael…’_

And then, everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for this.
> 
> Mello's death isn't described here. He's going to survive and his story is written in Blood Stained Sinners. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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